Sometime after Wondercon and my previous art submission, I just up and vanished for a couple of weeks. It wasn't a hiatus, and I didn't plan it, I just dissipated. There are things that are changing in my life outside of the internet and and its exiting and scary and difficult. Its is somewhat overwhelming, and when I hit my first major roadblock, any semblance of self confidence I had just shattered. I have been dealing with some...financial...issues an other things in real life. And its hard to deal with. I'm facing things that haven't had to deal with before, and while I think I am going to be okay, where my art was concerned I succumbed to anxiety, doubt and panic. The mere though of sitting down and working on what I love made me feel sick, I felt inadequate, worthless. Just plain old not-good-enough.
I think every creative person deals with feelings like these at some point. Sometimes more that once or twice. And they are hard to overcome, no doubt. It took me a while, but I am finally trying to get back in the saddle. You can't avoid falling forever, I think is better to fall and feel what you need to feel, then get back up, dust yourself off and get back on that horse. It's the ones that avoid falling at all costs that avoid getting up at all costs when they inevitably stumble.
Anyway, melodramatic ramblings aside, for now I want to be back here, and I want to be working on my drawing again. The worst part of all this was that I owed people art and I just vanished. I think that just made it worse. A couple of days ago I quietly submitted one of the pieces I owed, I still have one more which I am working on. But after that I think it would be better if I stopped accepting commissions, trades, any of that stuff for a while. I think I need to be selfish and focus on a lot of my stuff for some time.
So for now I am trying to stay positive and keep moving forward. Always keep moving forward.